The Importance of Belonging and Why It Can Feel So Elusive Abroad

As human beings, we are wired for connection. Psychologists have long understood that belonging is not just a pleasant extra, it’s a fundamental human need. Feeling part of a community, whether that’s family, friends, colleagues, or a wider culture, provides us with safety, meaning, and emotional stability. Without it, our nervous system can easily tip into stress, anxiety, or even depression.

For many people who move abroad, this need for belonging becomes particularly challenging. On paper, living overseas might look like an adventure filled with new opportunities. But in reality, the loss of familiar networks and cultural grounding can trigger feelings of isolation and invisibility.

The Challenge of Belonging in Spain

In Spain, especially in regions where people often live and work in the same place their whole lives, the challenge of belonging can feel very real. Many locals have deep-rooted friendships that stretch back to childhood. Their social circles are already established, and while they may be warm and polite, there is often little space for genuine new connections. This can leave expats feeling that relationships remain on the surface, rather than offering the deeper intimacy and support they crave.

Another difficulty is the tension between how you feel and how others see you. Over time, you may begin to feel at home in Spain, the rhythms of life, the landscape, even the language might start to feel like part of you. Yet no matter how much you adapt, you may still be seen as an outsider. Locals can continue to treat you as someone who doesn’t fully belong, someone passing through, rather than one of them. It can be painful to feel that, even when you’ve built a life in Spain, others may never quite recognise you as part of the community.

This constant reminder of your “outsider” status can create a subtle but ongoing sense of alienation. Even when you long for closeness, cultural barriers and unspoken differences can make you feel like you’re standing just outside the circle, always close but never truly inside.

The Impact on Body and Mind

When the need for belonging goes unmet, the body responds as if under threat. The nervous system activates stress responses designed to protect us, but when these stay switched on for too long, they begin to take a toll. You might notice tension, poor sleep, digestive issues, or a constant undercurrent of anxiety. Emotionally, feelings of rejection or exclusion can erode self-worth and intensify old wounds from the past.

Being seen as an outsider, even when you’ve begun to feel at home yourself, adds another layer of stress. It creates a sense of being “othered,” of not being fully recognised for who you are or the life you’ve built. That ongoing message that you don’t quite belong can leave you feeling hyperalert, guarded, or self-conscious. Over time, this strain can quietly wear down both body and mind, leaving you more vulnerable to loneliness, burnout, and emotional exhaustion.

This experience is even harder for people who don’t feel strongly rooted in themselves. If you grew up in a family where your needs weren’t met or your identity wasn’t validated, then living in a culture that doesn’t reflect you back can feel especially destabilising. Without a strong internal foundation, the lack of external belonging can hit much harder.

How Therapy Can Help

While you can’t always change the culture you live in, you can work on creating a sense of home within yourself. Therapy offers a safe and supportive space to explore the pain of isolation, strengthen your sense of identity, and develop resilience. By understanding your patterns and learning new ways to connect with yourself and others, you can feel less at the mercy of external circumstances.

When you feel more at home in yourself, you may find that the longing for belonging softens. Friendships and community connections become easier to navigate because your worth is no longer dependent on being fully understood or accepted by others. Belonging starts with you, and from there, everything else feels lighter.

✨ If these words resonate with you, know you don’t have to navigate this alone. I work with Expats who are building a life abroad while healing old wounds that make belonging feel difficult. If you’d like a safe space to explore this together, book a free consultation and let’s talk.